Too much coffee...

And not enough homework.

I think it's time to get some things off my chest.

I never really realized how much I hate it here until last weekend. My grandpa died last week and within hours I was on a plane back to Minnesota. I know it was a sad occasion, but that was the overall happiest I have been in a long time. I got to spend time with my daughter, my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. And my horse.

I didn't know why Kobe's death affected me like it did until last Sunday. Kobe was my Thelma down here. Growing up, Thelma was my best friend. I told that horse everything and anything I could. She never judged, never offered advice. But she listened. Most of the time I just needed to hear things outloud to make a decision, other times to realize how stupid I was being. Kobe did that for me here. I miss that dog like crazy. I still feel an emptiness when I remember he's gone.

I used to see those commercials for depression and roll my eyes. After the last couple months though, I understand how it is to just NOT be able to pick yourself back up. I used to be able to. I would get in a funk and just decide to change my attitude. And I would. I would just be better. Admitting this is the best thing I have done in a long time.

I could make a list of things I want to do better. But I will start with one thing at a time. When I get that one thing done, I will be sure to blog about it.